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Bs”d Yom Kippur 5784
Rabbi Shmuel Rabinowitz, Rabbi of the Western Wall and Holy Sites
On Sunday evening, the holiest day of the year, Yom Kippur, will begin and conclude the following evening. This day is unique in that it is obligatory to refrain from eating and drinking, and the custom is to spend the entire day, as much as possible, in the synagogue, praying with the congregation. Many Jews who do not frequent the synagogue throughout the year see it as both a duty and a privilege to come to the synagogue on Yom Kippur and participate in the day’s prayers.
What is the uniqueness of Yom Kippur? Let’s put it simply: it is the day on which we cleanse ourselves of the sins accumulated over the past year and open a new, clean page for the coming year. The Torah says of Yom Kippur: “For on this day, atonement shall be made for you to cleanse you; from all your sins before the Lord, you shall be cleansed.” In other words, on this day, G-d purifies us from our negative actions.
However, there are deeds for which G-d does not grant forgiveness even on Yom Kippur. Our sages taught, “For sins between a person and G-d, Yom Kippur atones; but for sins between a person and another person, Yom Kippur does not atone until one appeases the other.” A person cannot harm someone else and expect G-d to forgive them. Forgiveness must be sought from the person who was harmed, and to do so, you must reconcile with them. Hence, the important custom of reconciling with others in the days leading up to Yom Kippur and forgiving those who have wronged you throughout the year.
If we don’t consider serious offenses and harm, most of the time, the one causing harm is not a bad person. They act out of fear, worry, or thoughtlessness. Often, they regret their actions and do not know how to make amends. On the other hand, the one harmed carries a heavy burden of anger and resentment and cannot free themselves from the humiliation or damage they suffered. When the offender seeks forgiveness from the injured party, and the injured party forgives, both sides benefit. The offender is relieved of their guilt, and the injured party is liberated from the burden of the offense.
The renowned American-Jewish psychologist, John Gottman, had an interesting perspective on relationship harm. According to him, there are no couples who never harm each other from time to time. The difference between successful couples and those with troubled relationships is that happy couples know how to repair the damage done to their relationship, while troubled couples perpetuate the harm over time.
In practice, the ‘vidui’ (confession) we recite on Yom Kippur and the forgiveness we seek from G-d work in the same way. Instead of starting the new year burdened with the guilt of our past actions, we are given a precious opportunity to open a new, clean page. Of course, like seeking forgiveness between people, it requires real change in our actions. Those who continue to harm others will not merit G-d’s forgiveness. However, when we sincerely intend to change our ways, set realistic goals for ourselves, and cultivate our positive habits, we earn G-d’s forgiveness.
Another connection exists between the two forgiveness requests. In the Babylonian Talmud, it is said, “One who forgives others for their shortcomings, they forgive him for all of his sins.” Someone who can forgive those who have wronged them demonstrates a noble and humble soul. In doing so, they receive the appropriate treatment from G-d, even if they have committed negative actions. G-d acts ‘measure for measure,’ and forgives them for their past mistakes.
May we all merit a good, clean, and pure year filled with love, unity, peace, and respect between people and between man and G-d.
